17 days of running!

I actually like it a lot. We have a routine and try to stick with it. We have moved up to 2 miles which just about killed me the next day. My legs hurt like hell! They burn and ache but its OK. We all signed up to run a 5k which will be our first...wait Nat did one last year. Anyways I am determined to run the 3 miles without giving up!

While we are on this subject.....

The thing I love most about going running every night is listening to my music and thinking. 25 minutes of uninterrupted thinking. That does not happen in the house during the day at all! I'm not complaining..just saying. So last night our run was a late one because it was also National Night out. As we were running I was thinking about the 3 females we came across. One a Game Warden, one a Firefighter and one a Deputy. It hit me all at once that I gave up my dreams and goals so early in life. I have always wanted to go back to school but never have. I have no idea how I even would. But I gave up and walked away from everything I ever wanted...(except my kids) I wanted to go into the Navy. I didn't, I let things scare me and I chickened out. I wanted to be a Nurse, I let people talk me out of it. I wanted so much more but I decided to look for the "easy way out" By easy way I mean I looked for my night in shining armor to come sweep me and my girls off our feet and tried to make everything seem so perfect. Things were not horrible but definitely not what I had in mind. Now I can say I do have this GREAT husband(he is my knight) and awesome kids and a happy life but I am just hating the fact that I don't have a career or gave up a career. I don't have something to be so proud of in the career dept. I guess I saw how the little ones looked up at the 3 we saw tonight and I thought WOW they will never see that in me. No No No don't feel bad for me. It may not be coming out right because I know plenty of Moms are thinking "wow I wish I could stay home with my kids" I LOVE BEING WITH THEM and the other little ones all day. I know they are safe and sound and in a loving place. It just never came to me how I didn't do more..until tonight. So as I ran I had to fight back the tears. One I didn't want to fall on my face and two I didn't want them asking questions.
I got home and decided this is why I push my kids so hard. This is why I MAKE them do things they are unsure of. This is why I expect so much from them. As much as it broke my heart to have Lauren move away to school I made her. I made her pick a school away. I want her to have no regrets and not be held back. I want her to experience everything I didn't. I want the same for Nat and I push her just as hard. She has mentioned a few career ideas and I will push her. I don't want hesitation to talk her out of it. I don't want them sitting down at 35 saying "OMG I should have....".
I know it sounds like I am sad...BUT I love my life and everything I have right now. I have a very loving and supportive husband, great kids that never get in trouble, great friends and sweet sweet kids that I care for (which I adore). I guess my point to all of this is I will never stop pushing my kids towards their goals and dreams. I just wish my parents had been more supportive and done the same.