All this running has paid off. The sweat,tears,pain and everything else that goes along with running. We have ran just about everyday for the past 30 days. At one point I was thinking I would never be able to do this run because I have the most painful shin splints. I even had to stop running a few days because it was bad! I have changed shoes 3 times, bought inserts and still have them. I can run and run and then have no problem but will wake in the middle of the night in pain. Very strange.

 

 

 

Anyways...the week before this run we were all getting excited and a little nervous. It was important for me to do this one for a couple reasons. 1. I have a friend who is part of the group who put it together and I wanted to support her and the other wives 2. Fallen Heroes...need I say more? Very close to my heart. I don't want to ever be in that situation but if it ever happened I would want support. It just so happens this years run was for someone who worked with my husband so I really felt like I needed to help in some way possible.If you ever see something that supports a family from a Fallen Officer please support them. Any little bit helps.

 Our group before the run. Haley and her boyfriend joined about the week before, they were so sweet and I was happy they came along. Tasha is Nat's bff Mom. I am pretty positive if it wasn't for Tasha I wouldn't have made it the entire time. She knew when I was getting tired and would talk to me. She would encourage me and I seriously think the only reason she did this run was to keep me going! THANK YOU GIRL!

OOO I had to edit this! I left Eric out! He has pushed me, stopped when I stop and listens to me whine and complain! Thank you "EWIC"

We originally talked about sticking together but I knew I was the slowest and didn't want to hold anyone back. If they could get a better time I really wanted them to. Somehow we broke off into groups of 2. It really worked out.

Not gonna lie..when we took off it felt like we had been running forever! We hit the 1st mile marker and I swear to god I wanted to die! I would have sworn at that point we had already gone 2 miles. I kept looking down,looking at the cars passing, looking all around trying so hard to focus and pass time. If you know me you know my attention span it so short! Mile 2 came around and I was starting to wear down but it didn't hurt. It was hot,humid and I was distracted...by everything!

We got midway thru mile 2 and I could see my Husband and kids! It was like seeing light at the end of the tunnel! They waved and it gave me the energy I needed.

Before the end of mile 3  once we saw the finish line I had to pull ever single ounce of energy I had and speed up! HOLY CRAP that takes a lot!

At this point I was so excited, wanted to cry and honestly was a little light headed and dizzy.

It felt so good to finish the entire thing without walking! I was so excited and it felt so good!

After the race!

I plan on doing this again next year but we will have a team! With matching shirts!!

My legs never hurt until we stopped. I think the adrenalin of running and the cheering of people make you forget about it all.

Then there is my Husband...my inspiration! He had to work this day. I had no idea how I was going to do this without him there. I needed him to be there more than anything. I needed him there when I finished and he was. I always can depend on him for anything but I figured today would be one of those crazy days at work. He always finds a way. 

 

So this day is proof I can do anything I can set my mind to.I am SO proud of myself! I am proud that everyone pushed me and helped me the past few weeks! This doesn't mean we are done with running we are still going every night.

 I am already looking for our next race and my goal is to have a better time next year.

 

My time~31:42 not bad for my first time! I was number 18 in females.

 

 

17 days of running!

I actually like it a lot. We have a routine and try to stick with it. We have moved up to 2 miles which just about killed me the next day. My legs hurt like hell! They burn and ache but its OK. We all signed up to run a 5k which will be our first...wait Nat did one last year. Anyways I am determined to run the 3 miles without giving up!

While we are on this subject.....

The thing I love most about going running every night is listening to my music and thinking. 25 minutes of uninterrupted thinking. That does not happen in the house during the day at all! I'm not complaining..just saying. So last night our run was a late one because it was also National Night out. As we were running I was thinking about the 3 females we came across. One a Game Warden, one a Firefighter and one a Deputy. It hit me all at once that I gave up my dreams and goals so early in life. I have always wanted to go back to school but never have. I have no idea how I even would. But I gave up and walked away from everything I ever wanted...(except my kids) I wanted to go into the Navy. I didn't, I let things scare me and I chickened out. I wanted to be a Nurse, I let people talk me out of it. I wanted so much more but I decided to look for the "easy way out" By easy way I mean I looked for my night in shining armor to come sweep me and my girls off our feet and tried to make everything seem so perfect. Things were not horrible but definitely not what I had in mind. Now I can say I do have this GREAT husband(he is my knight) and awesome kids and a happy life but I am just hating the fact that I don't have a career or gave up a career. I don't have something to be so proud of in the career dept. I guess I saw how the little ones looked up at the 3 we saw tonight and I thought WOW they will never see that in me. No No No don't feel bad for me. It may not be coming out right because I know plenty of Moms are thinking "wow I wish I could stay home with my kids" I LOVE BEING WITH THEM and the other little ones all day. I know they are safe and sound and in a loving place. It just never came to me how I didn't do more..until tonight. So as I ran I had to fight back the tears. One I didn't want to fall on my face and two I didn't want them asking questions.
I got home and decided this is why I push my kids so hard. This is why I MAKE them do things they are unsure of. This is why I expect so much from them. As much as it broke my heart to have Lauren move away to school I made her. I made her pick a school away. I want her to have no regrets and not be held back. I want her to experience everything I didn't. I want the same for Nat and I push her just as hard. She has mentioned a few career ideas and I will push her. I don't want hesitation to talk her out of it. I don't want them sitting down at 35 saying "OMG I should have....".
I know it sounds like I am sad...BUT I love my life and everything I have right now. I have a very loving and supportive husband, great kids that never get in trouble, great friends and sweet sweet kids that I care for (which I adore). I guess my point to all of this is I will never stop pushing my kids towards their goals and dreams. I just wish my parents had been more supportive and done the same.

I have survived 6 days of running!
No not 6 straight day of running but everyday running. Yesterday I woke up and thought WOW I CAN FEEL MY LEGS! They don't hurt. A couple of days I have tried to talk myself out of going but between Natalie and Eric they will not let me stop. Running with other people really helps...so does music. Really loud music! I need to find an ipod instead of using my phone...it goes off non stop and makes me want to stop and check it.

I took last night off as my break night and the first thing I wanted to do this morning was run...see other post on why I haven't yet. I have to admit it can be a challenge but afterwards I feel SO GOOD! It is getting almost like a craving I have to feed. If that makes sense. I am not sure why I want this so bad but I do. I am not athletic, never have been but I just feel the need to run. Maybe it clears my mind. Who knows! The past week we have been going about a mile in 12 mins and plan to up that starting today for this next week....a little more each week.

I am all over the place today! I swear I have some type A.D.H.D.

All at once I want to

wash my car
go to the beach
be outside
run
ride bikes
clean the house
sew
check on airline ticket
what is Lauren doing?
go to Kemah
run to Target
clean out stuff
should get up and shower...that will get me in some kind of direction
blog...but I am struggling with this.
paint rooms
why am I so easily sidetracked?
I need to make these mums
workout
read~did I mention the only thing I can do is read for hours and hours sometimes?
talk on the phone
camp
see friends

the list goes on! This is how my mind is ALL DAY!
I wonder sometimes if this is a problem. Is this normal? At night I can easily lay awake till 1 in the morning with my mind all over the place. Thinking about the day, what I did and didn't get done. Making a mental list for the next day. Speaking of list...I have to make myself a list at the start of each day (4:30) because if I don't I AM ALL OVER THE PLACE and won't get anything done.
I can't even sit down long enough to catch up my blog. I have so many things to write about and tell about but I just can't sit for long.

Really could he be any cuter? He is now a Tiger Cub and so excited. Tonight was our first meeting and he was so happy to wear his uniform. Proud of this little guy!

http://instagr.am/p/OllQZKrcxo/

The hubs and I recently took a vacation. Alone! Both of us have never done this and I was determined we would. I was excited but a little worried, he was more worried than I was.

When we arrived at the boat that morning I started crying...it was overwhelming, and I had an 'OH SHIT WHAT HAVE I DONE MOMENT" As soon as we started walking thru the terminal it all changed fast!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WcbPhaY6TXE&feature=share&list=UUNjwN4LSmecIafl_MTmi46w

For some reason I can't figure out how to view this youtube thing from a mobile phone...help me if you can!


Our trip was AMAZING! I have no words to describe it other that freaking AMAZING! We laughed, walked around,drank,partied,relaxed....did everything we can't do at home. I feel like this was such a great reset button for us. We by no means have any Marriage problem but life gets crazy with four kids and jobs but I seriously felt like this was so great for our relationship. We recently talked about going to Vegas on our 10 yr mark and getting remarried (that was our original plan but Ashlynn popped into our lives) but we have decided NO WAY! We are taking a cruise to the Bahamas.

We reconnected on this trip and have been so much closer, as if we could get any closer!

1st Day of School

 

1st day of Kinder 2011

 

 



1st Grade 2012

                                                                           

                                                             1st day of school lunch

He was not ready this year at all.

 

                                                          1st day of HIGH SCHOOL!

Nat was not excited about it at all. She pretty much hated it the first 2 weeks and wanted to runaway!

They both have adjusted pretty good. She made the Volleyball team and Swim and he is moving right along.

So Nat and I have decided to be "runners". I have this love hate relationship with running...I can get on the treadmill and run/walk for an hour and leave feeling like I am fresh out of a therapy session. I think it is my quiet time and I talk in my head..a lot. But if you put me out on the street I want to die after about 6 minutes. I am not kidding! My throat starts hurting, I feel like a 3 legged dog running for my life or something. Anyways...last time we decided we wanted to be "runners" I gave up halfway thru the neighborhood. It was hot,humid and it was raining. Oh and when I say I gave up halfway thru the neighborhood...it was like 2 blocks away!!

So the time came yesterday and I made excuse after excuse why I couldn't go. Homework,bath time, dishes (I hate dishes) mop the floors and so on. Nat got all stern on me told me to stop whining like a baby and change clothes. UGH. So I did...and out the door we went....then it started raining! UHHHH again! I ran and I ran like a 3 legged sideways dog and I did pretty good. We had a goal of starting off 15 minutes and we are going to keep moving up until we hit 60 minutes eventually. Good Luck with that! We went 1.56 miles in 13 minutes and I was pretty damn proud!

Today however I woke up at 4:30 a.m to talk to my hubs while he gets ready(yes I actually do this and love it) and I swear to god I am already thinking of excuses. My freaking legs and hips are so sore I want to crawl under the couch and hide until she gives up looking for me! But I know I can do this...I think.

We took a picture of our body last night and in 30 days we are taking another. I am just curious to see if you can visibly see a change after 30 days. So hopefully I can make it without dying! I have NEVER been the athletic type! We shall see.

I really want this shirt...but I think I will wait until I hit my 30 day mark!

SHE IS COLLEGE BOUND!

I knew this day would be here before we knew it. I had prepared (I thought) and knew I would be upset but I had no idea half my heart would feel empty.

 

 I seriously felt like the last few weeks we would be dropping her at Summer camp, then the day got here. The night before I decided to paint a room, clean,cook,stay crazy busy. I really had no idea I was doing all of that until late that night. When we pulled away from our house I had a sinking feeling in my guts....I then felt like we would be dropping her off at the fire station or something. Awful feeling!


 This is the view from her floor. We have been to this school a few times and the campus is BEAUTIFUL. I love it and so does she.

 Her Dad went with us to help move all her junk in...she had what seemed like so much but really once we got there it didn't seem like much. I was happy he went with us....we are a very functioning dysfunctional family and I am happy for that. We all got along, laughed and went to dinner afterwards. I have been asked if that is awkward...No not at all. Not for any of us. Everyone gets along and talks and laughs like a "normal" family.

 The time came to say goodbye.....I felt the pull at my heart but kept ignoring it. Then Nick decided he was not letting go. He kept whispering for her to just come home, lets leave, I am not leaving you. He was crying so hard and I had to peel him off of her. That made it 10x worse on me...I am sure she felt the same.

We left...I was upset, I tore at my husband, I was rude, we were tired and I couldn't help it.( Thank god he loves me) I started to panic wondering what I have done. I also had a sense of relief because she MADE it! She went further than I ever did and I was so happy for that! I also felt good about the fact she was happy there. She loves the area.
I called her a few days later and asked her how it was, how everything was going...."I love this place and it is where my heart belongs" I wanted to curl into a ball and cry all over again.


Nick and Natalie were very upset for about a week. He wanted to go pick her up and bring her home and Natalie I think finally realized her big sister that constantly fought with her would no longer be there to fight with.

Ashlynn just tells everyone she is on a cruise!

I think I have done really good with all of this. I have only had a few moments the first week when I started worrying about her parking in a garage and walking alone. UGH those moments scare the crap out of me!

OK OK OK...This damn blog keeps getting pushed to the side. I can't decide if I want to keep using it for everyday stuff like kids, family,issues or to vent. I seem to be real good at venting like this and walking away feeling better. I don't know...

Anyways I do know this is one of the ways our out of town family keeps up with us and I love that so maybe I should keep it going.

Remember this? If not scroll down...I received a call back from the company yesterday to tell me the Lab results say this is a piece of burned plastic. I am a little thankful it wasn't some strange body part or something gross.  Still it grosses me out. Anything in my food just ruins it for me. YUCK

I have obviously known for a while Lauren will be leaving for College at the end of summer. She has been little by little packing her room up and shopping for dorm items. I have been planning the change of her room not really thinking about how different things will be in our house. No more fighting with her sister, helping with the little kids, laundry pile a tiny bit smaller and so much more. I have also noticed in the past few weeks I think I have put a small wall up. I think we tend to protect ourselves and our children from being hurt without really knowing it is happening. I had no idea I had been doing this but the other day I realized I was different. I thought about it and thought about it and I think I was trying to push space between us to "protect" both of us. Once I noticed it I immediately stopped and told her what was going on. Now keep in mind I have known for a while she is moving...but tonight I said out loud "Lauren will be moving in 18 days" I think I almost passed out. I teared up, got nauseated and wanted to hide in the closet. I'm not sure how this is going to work out. I know she is grown and comes and goes as she wants but I'm going to miss her so bad. I am going to worry, cry, be lost and so sad. I have to say I am very excited for her and this new start but so scared.

This picture doesn't look like much to some, but to me it is so much. A Big sister Little sister bond can be so sweet no matter the age. It has been nice over the past couple of years watching one grow as a toddler and one grow to an adult. Nothing can prepare a Mom to explain to a 3 year old that her sister will be moving soon. I have thought about it and thought about it and nothing seems right. So tonight as Ashlynn was helping me make bows I said "Lauren will be moving out soon...did you know that?" She looked up and burst into tears. MY HEART WAS BROKEN! I yelled for Lauren to come downstairs and Ashlynn just kept saying "No mommy no she can't leave" UGH for about 45 minutes she cried and kept saying "please don't let her leave" I am pretty sure she ripped my heart out. If anyone has any good ideas to help her PLEASE let me know. I have one idea...and I think Lauren and I thought of it at the same time. Have her make Lauren a build a bear to take with her. Maybe they can make each other one.

Ok so I had a moment of weakness....We stopped buying packaged food for a while. But since it is Summertime and we are outdoors and swimming all the time I needed a few quick lunch items. Nuggets,lunch meat...you know the easy stuff. So anyways...I bought this bag of popcorn chicken. I bought 2 because my picky child (I won't give names but she is 18)loves these and that is rare! After a long weekend of camping this past weekend I threw these jewels into the microwave for 3 starving kids. As I sat them down with their plates I snatched one off of Ashlynn's and popped it into my mouth. NOM NOM NOM right? HELL NO!I had something hard and big in my "nugget"

I was shocked! I spit it out..OBVIOUSLY! I poked,bent,examined and gagged. I took a pic and shoved this into a ziplock then into the freezer. Ran over grabbed the kids food and dumped it.

So Monday I decided to send over an email to the company...I had a response as fast as the email went thru! Dear Mrs. KXXXXX, Thank you for your email concerning our XXXXXXX Popcorn Chicken. We sincerely apologize for your experience. We stand by the quality of our products, and want you to know that this matter has been taken seriously. If digital photos are available, please reply to this email and attach your photo(s), up to a total size of 8MB. Please do not change the formatting or content of the subject line on your reply, as it includes a code that allows us to match the photo with your contact. Once again, we're sorry to learn about your experience, as we always strive to produce the finest quality products possible. We would like to discuss this in more detail. Please call us at 1-800-123-2435 between the hours of 9:00 A.M. and 5:00 P.M. Central, Monday through Friday, and we will be happy to assist you further. Thanks again for your feedback. We're listening! Sincerely, Nancy Consumer Affairs Representative So I called them back...they asked me tons of fun questions...I laughed after the lady said "will you ever eat these again?" My response..UM NO! Look honestly I don't eat this stuff, it is full of who knows what, I just feed it to my kids! OMG DID I SAY THAT? Yes...I did. My call ended up with we need that for our lab, we are sending you a ton of free coupons and we will let you know what this item is. Im so excited to find out what the heck it is I think the suspense is killing me...no not really. I am a little scared to hear what it is. It is hard, plastic looking but could possibly be bone shaving and that will just forever gross me out. Im not sure what is worse...this or finding a hair in your half eaten food. UGGGGHHHHH!

I can't even remember if I ever posted Nick was in dance...I went thru the emotions of maybe I shouldn't because I didn't want to hear the negativity of people if I told them. But we have been very positive to Nick about it. He asked to be in dance back in Decemberish when we watched Ashlynn's class...so we let him try it. Why not? I have always kept our kids very busy and involved in activities so it was a great time to try. He went from LOVING it to crying about going after a few months. I had no idea what happened until I visited his class one day. WOW it was a rowdy bunch. He is very calm and quiet (unless at home with us)so when kids are running circles and wild it just bothers him. It actually reminds me of Scott. When recital time comes around it is a very big deal. I was always a stage mom with Lauren and Natalie and never in the 7yrs did I ever see the show. I like to be in control I guess and honestly the hustle and bustle seems far more exciting than sitting quietly in the theater. KIDDING! I just really am the kind of person I need to make sure everything is perfect with my kids and taken care of. Obviously I can't be with both kids so I had Lauren stay with Nick and I stay with Ashlynn. PERFECT! These 2 kids have come a long way since the begining of the year. She cried,screamed and refused to go the first 2 months of Dance. I was ready to give up but the director was still wanting to work with her. I am so glad I didn't give up. She has come out of her shell and is getting such a personality. Nick has now decided he wants to do dance again next Fall. It makes me happy! He looks a little scared on stage but really he does great!

In April Lauren was in the Miss Sylvan Beach Pageant...I got to drive her in the parade which was so fun! The day was so long and hot but in the end so worth it! She got 2nd runner up and a scholarship. VERY HAPPY MOMMA!

During the weeks of pageant rehearsal she also found her college roommate. I am so excited for these two to grow together and to move in together. We have known her for years but they are total opposite and have nothing in common. I think this will help out with them living together. I am so excited for them both.

Nick recently joined cub scouts. We have been looking for something that is just right for him....non competitive but fun and something he will enjoy and grow with. I guess since everyone says he should play football I am trying everything to avoid it! So we went to our first meeting, we LOVED IT! Oh wait NICK loved it! They included him in everything right from the start. The boys all sat and played marbles while the parents explained everything to us. We left the meeting very excited and ready for the big balloon fight!

We all took coolers full of water balloons to the next meeting. LOTS AND LOTS of balloons!

The boys had so much fun.

The first night when Nick played marbles..he was earning a belt thingy. Yes I said a belt thingy because I have no idea what it is called.